A recent text to one of my dearest friends, regarding a very difficult time with a new diagnosis…

Your care is in very competent and kind hands. You are surrounded by a loving family.

Some of life’s problems become fully resolved, never to return again.

The majority of the problems that we face require a mixture of trade-offs and adjustments to living with limitations that we don’t like, but are made easier with gratitude…appreciating every moment and appreciating everybody.

Grace and Peace

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 19, 2022

Saint Louis, Missouri

Recognizing some of the most common pre-suicide thoughts, behaviors, and actions…

CALL or TEXT 988 for our National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

A HOPELESSNESS that things can be better AND HELPLESSNESS to do anything/ to ask anyone to make things better / to relieve the distress

Many adults send signals regarding their suicidality:

[Very young children will demonstrate almost none of these signs or symptoms.]

TALK about/INCREASED talking about SUICIDE

Talk about how OVERWHELMINGLY SAD they feel

Talk about BEING A BURDEN to OTHERS

TALK ABOUT NOT GOING TO BE MISSED

IDEALIZE SOMEONE ELSE’S SUICIDE

Talk about HOW ALONE (“alone in a room full of people”) and TIRED, or HOW SPENT THEY FEEL….both emotional (can’t get excited about anything) and physical tiredness

Talk about DEATH, or GOING TO SLEEP for a LONG TIME, or GOING AWAY

WONDER how death may feel… RESTFUL, UNTROUBLED

GIVING AWAY some of their TREASURED BELONGINGS

ISOLATE by STOPPING socializing, responding to emails or texts

DIFFICULTY CONCENTRATING that may show up as something called psychomotor slowing which could SHOW AS A DROP IN GRADES/SCHOOL PERFORMANCE AND WORK PERFORMANCE

STOP SOCIAL MEDIA (or INCREASE its use for signaling some of topics, above)

ISOLATE by BREAK UP (via letters, emails, social media) with FRIENDS and PARTNERS

STOP SEEING / TALKING TO FAVORITE RELATIVES/GRANDCHILDREN

STOP routine HYGIENE (brush, comb, shave, shower, laundering clothing)

PERSON/PERSONALITY CHANGES: WT LOSS, MORE HAGGARD LOOKING, MORE IRRITABLE/ANGRY, MISSING APPOINTMENTS, CARING LESS IN AREAS WHERE THEY USED TO CARE

One of the final events is that ONCE THE PERSON HAS MADE THE DECISION or PLAN TO COMMIT SUICIDE, this person may suddenly look CALM, PEACEFUL, ALMOST HAPPY.

CALL or TEXT 988 for our National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 19, 2022

Saint Louis, Missouri

When we gild ourselves with nice clothing, a nice house, a nice car, or an upscale education, it’s in part because people don’t know the real us… who we are, or what we have gone through to get here. These same people have more knowledge about the cost and the perceived value of these items than they know about us. Subconsciously, when others care, or at least are impressed, by our accoutrements, we hope that their caring and their positive impressions of our stuff translate into their caring and being impressed with (and not just, by) us.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 15, 2022

Saint Louis, Missouri

IF AN ACTIVELY USING HEROIN ADDICT OR ALCOHOLIC TELLS US TO NOT START SHOOTING HEROIN OR DRINKING ALCOHOL, WE TEND TO DISMISS HIM/HER AND HIS/HER ADVICE (i.e., what does s/he know…s/he can’t even follow her/his own advice). IF THAT SAME ADDICT GETS CLEAN AND SOBER, AND BECOMES A DRUG AND ALCOHOL REHABILITATION COUNSELOR, NOW S/HE HAS GRAVITAS BEHIND THAT SAME EXACT ADVICE.

Listen to the wisdom, then extract the message or the lesson. Decided the value, importance, and applicability of the message or the lesson without being distracted by the messenger.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 10, 2022

Saint Louis, Missouri

Giving people space and support does not mean that they will abuse you or your kindness.

“You will never say or do anything to turn me against you or change my perception of you as a worthy person.”
(All of us deserve to have heard this truth from our parents.)

Charles Tadros, M.D.

September 21, 2022

Saint Louis, Missouri

I’ve chosen to stop running through the rain when I’m caught without an umbrella. I’m learning to settle into my imperfections and unpreparedness while learning to live with the consequences.

Charles Tadros, M..D.

September 5, 2022

Saint Louis, Missouri

It’s OK to love someone who is hurtful and toxic, while keeping them at an arm’s length. This includes family and friends, as well as former business and romantic partners.

Being a good person does not include standing by, silently, while being endangered, shamed, embarrassed, controlled, or abused.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

September 3, 2022

Saint Louis, Missouri

A hangover is, in part, due to an acute withdrawal from the previous night’s alcohol consumption. Hangovers may happen with the consumption of just one alcoholic beverage.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hangovers/symptoms-causes/syc-20373012

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/hangovers

Charles Tadros, M.D.

September 3, 2022

Saint Louis, Missouri

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