The tail end of my discussion with a young friend regarding his natural frustration, 4 weeks into his first real job…

by the way your bosses, just like your high school coaches, push you hard and don’t want to hear excuses. They believe that you can do good work.
What your new bosses will notice are:

1) that you show up on time or, better yet, early.

2) that you ask insightful questions, BUT DO NOT ASK FOR THEM TO DO YOUR WORK FOR YOU (either, they don’t know how to do your work, don’t want to do your work, or are too buried in their own work… they have to feed their own families and they have to worry about layoffs and the economy too).

3) that you follow through with advice that they may have given you. BUT, if their advice is unhelpful, you will still find a way to get good advice and get the work done (WITHOUT BLAMING THEM FOR THE BAD ADVICE, or for slowing down your progress).

4) that you find and use outside resources to supplement what the company provides

5) THAT THEY SEE YOU LEARNING AND MAKING PROGRESS ( yes, the faster, the better).

6) that even if you do all these items, your bosses may consider these efforts as a basic part of learning about your new position, and becoming accomplished at your job.

The only pat on the back that you’ll get, in this economy, is that you get to keep your job.

Eventually, you will find a culture that is supportive and can help you grow while you contribute to a company.

My best fatherly advice regarding having patience is, “It takes at least 6-12 months for new hires to find all the bathrooms…give it time.”

Charles Tadros, M.D.

January 31, 2023

Saint Louis, Missouri

Here’s a mental trick regarding a source for your own motivation…

If someone is telling you to do, or not to do something, neither of which were in your plans, but you agree with their goal(s) for you, find your own, real reasons, to do as they wished (while not using any of their thinking or reasoning).

Don’t automatically ignore the message just because you don’t like the messenger.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

January 29, 2023

Saint Louis, Missouri

Love for family is weird…

You can be frustrated and angry about your own family. In fact, you can bad-mouth your family, but nobody else can agree with you or stay the same thing about your family without your shutting them down.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

January 29, 2023

Saint Louis, Missouri

The vast majority of us feel better about ourselves if we are able to say, ” yes” or, “yes…and….” to ourselves, or to others, instead of, ” no”.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

January 29, 2023

Saint Louis, Missouri

My email this morning to a friend who wants to feel better without having to drink so much, while not wanting to give up alcohol.

Good morning J.

This doesn’t work for everyone, but this maybe what you’re looking for:

The Sinclair Method (please watch YouTube first, then go to the website)

And from the New York Times: “Cold Turkey Isn’t the Only Route”

A related book, by the author of the New York Times piece:

Separately, these are all recognizable men ( I wonder why no women) who chose to cease alcohol.
I ran across this while watching random YouTube because I went to sleep too early…
If you watch, start at minute 3:10, through the end:


It is very hard for you to notice the need for change, initiate that change, or even sustain that change if everything and everybody around you is signaling that: they don’t care if you try to change, or that they don’t notice the need/your need for change or that they won’t participate in supporting your change.

You can read all the self-help books and watch all the self-help videos, and finally be convinced and finally have a strategy for your helping yourself make a needed change. Unfortunately, your friends, coworkers, relatives, and loved ones have not been on the same journey with you. Often, you will need their encouragement, support, and assistance in order to initiate, maintain, and sustain your need to change.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

January 13, 2023

Saint Louis, Missouri

The unwritten rules (yes, archaic, and abusive) of showing that we’re serious about our work, wanting to keep our jobs, and serious about supporting our employer…

taking responsibility, even if it’s not our fault

going, “above and beyond”, without asking for renumeration or recognition

taking on coworkers’ responsibilities

taking on more work than is assigned

anticipating coworkers’ and supervisors’ needs

not complaining

not criticizing

not job hunting

not asking for raises, new titles, elevated positions, or job/career advancements

assuming that the company’s way or the boss’s way is the best way or the only way of doing things

not taking sick leave

skipping breaks

skipping lunch

not going to the bathroom

eating at our desks

coming in early

staying late

taking work home

working until we go to bed

pulling all-nighters

sacrificing family and close relationships

sacrificing mental and physical health

not clocking in; clocking out early (but still performing work)

not taking vacations

checking in / logging in during vacations

not using all of our vacation days

performing work while we’re on vacation

performing work while we’re on sick leave or maternity leave

coming back to work earlier than expected from vacation, sick leave, or maternity leave

paying out of our own pockets for work expenses

not turning in receipts (after paying out of our own pockets)

Charles Tadros, M.D.

January 12, 2023

Saint Louis, Missouri

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