YEARS AGO, MY YOUNGEST BROTHER AND I ALMOST DROWNED TOGETHER. I’M THE ELDEST OF THREE BOYS. WE THREE WERE SWIMMING AT MY ADULT COUSINS’ APARTMENT COMPLEX’S POOL. NO LIFEGUARD ON DUTY. OUR PARENTS, WHO HAD SENT US TO THE POOL, WERE VISITING MY COUSINS, UPSTAIRS, ABOUT 50 YARDS AWAY. I WAS ABOUT 9 YEARS OLD. MY TWO BROTHERS WERE 7 AND 6 YEARS OLD. THE YOUNGEST WOULD JUMP OFF THE SIDE INTO 8 FEET OF WATER, AND THEN FURIOUSLY DOGGY PADDLE BACK TO SAFETY. THIS WOULD WORK IF HE WERE MORE HORIZONTAL WHEN PADDLING, BUT THIS ONE TIME HE WAS BOBBING VERTICALLY. SO, DOG PADDLING ONLY MADE HIM BOB UP AND DOWN MORE VIGOROUSLY, SPLASHING WATER UP INTO HIS FACE. HE BECAME PANICKED. I SAW HIM AND JUMPED IN TO HELP. MY LOVING BROTHER GRABBED ME, CLIMBED ON TOP OF ME, PUSHING ME UNDER. I WAS LAUGHING, BUT INSTANTLY REALIZED THAT I DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH AIR. AS I SANK, WITH MY BROTHER HOLDING ONTO MY HEAD AND NECK, MY FEET HIT THE 8 FOOT BOTTOM, MAKING ME TEMPORARILY STABLE ENOUGH FOR MY BROTHER TO USE HIS FEET TO PUSH OFF MY SHOULDERS, AND PADDLE BACK TO SAFETY. A COUPLE OF IRONIES: MY PARENTS NEVER FOUND OUT THAT THEY ALMOST LOST 2 SONS THAT DAY, AND ALL THREE OF US BOYS GREW UP TO BE LIFEGUARDS.

Whether in water or in life, drowning people, even if they love you tremendously, can and will drag you down with them. They are dying. Your job, your goal, your DUTY, is to help them, without endangering or sacrificing yourself.

Become a lifeguard: know dangerous areas and dangerous situations in and around you and your life; keep your head on a swivel, always be on the lookout for trouble; practice and refine your rescue techniques; watch out for each other; know where help resides and who to ask for help. Finally, and most importantly, ASK FOR HELP early and often.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

December 5, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

SO MUCH OF MENTAL ILLNESS IS A REACTION TO, OR A RESPONSE TO (an answer to?), NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES IN OUR LIVES. THIS MENTAL ILLNESS, A FORM OF DYSFUNCTION, WAS NEEDED/ CREATED IN ORDER TO SURVIVE, AND MAKE SENSE OF THOSE NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES.

If you are reading this blog, then you are a survivor. You are still here. The mental illness, this dysfunction, has allowed you to get to the, “here and now”, but no longer serves its purpose of helping you survive, helping you make sense of a previously difficult condition or terrible situation. This mental illness is now a drag on your ability to progress and live a more health-filled and unburdened life.

I find that, in general, we cannot cure mental illness. Instead, I ask that we befriend our mental illness. Thank this dysfunction for being there when we needed it, for helping us survive. Now we can tuck it away, just like when we tuck away, into the back of our closets, our winter clothes, when spring time arrives. These winter clothes are still ours. We have not rid ourselves of these expensive, heavy, familiar, and needed clothing. But for now, for springtime, they don’t make sense, and are not needed.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 27, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

FOR PEOPLE WITH SEVERE ADDICTIONS, THE ADDICTIONS, AND THEIR ASSOCIATED BEHAVIORS, FEEL LIKE BREATHING: AUTOMATIC, CYCLIC, THOUGHTLESS, NATURAL, AND NEEDED FOR LIFE. THIS IS WHY, WHEN AN ADDICT PROMISES THEMSELVES, AND OTHERS, THAT THEY CAN QUIT (and that they will quit, when they are, “good and ready”), IT IS AS IF THEY HAVE PROMISED TO HOLD THEIR BREATH. THEY MAY BE ABLE TO DO IT FOR A WHILE, BUT, EVENTUALLY, EVERY SEVERE ADDICT WILL RELAPSE. THEY HAVE TO BREATHE.

Severe addiction, heck, probably most addictions, require that sufferers ask for, receive, use, and follow through with professional help in order to decrease and cease the repetitive behavior(s).

Many addictions often lead to financial, familial, work/career, health, and even legal problems.

Addictions are medical illnesses (not just legal issues), with far reaching personal and social implications.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 26, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

ALL OF US WILL EXPERIENCE SIGNIFICANT, CUMULATIVE, LOSS IN OUR LIVES. I ASK THAT WE ADD (our losses, pains, grief, and lessons, as well as our empathy, support, joy, and gratitude) TO OUR LIVES. I ASK THAT WE ENLARGE AND ENRICH OUR LIVES, RATHER THAN IGNORE, DODGE, AND DENY, LEADING US TO BECOME EVEN MORE ISOLATED, DEPRESSED, OVERWHELMED AND DESPONDENT.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 24, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

MANY YEARS AGO I WAS SEATED ON AN AIRPLANE NEXT TO AN ARMY SERGEANT, DRESSED IN DESERT FATIGUES. HE SAID THAT EVERY AMERICAN NEEDS TO SPEND TIME OUTSIDE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA IN ORDER TO SEE HOW PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES, OTHER SOCIETIES LIVE. HE HAD LEARNED THAT THIS WAS THE BEST WAY TO GIVE ANYONE AN APPRECIATION FOR WHAT WE HAVE IN OUR OWN LIVES, AT HOME.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 20, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

FOR PROCRASTINATORS…WALK INTO WORK AND START WORKING EVEN BEFORE YOU PUT DOWN YOUR BELONGINGS, TAKE OFF YOUR COAT, OR GET A COFFEE. STAND WHILE YOU PERFORM THE BORING OR UNPLEASANT TASKS. START THE DAY RUNNING IN ORDER TO SET YOUR INTERNAL TEMPO.

DO NOT let tasks dictate how long they are going to take of your time. In a procrastinator’s mind, tasks will take forever, therefore we don’t want to start them. YOU decide how much time you will put into a task, even if it is not enough time to finish that task…AND STICK TO THE COMMITMENT WHICH YOU HAVE JUST MADE TO YOURSELF. Reward yourself by STICKING TO YOUR COMMITMENT, and FOR NOT ALLOWING a task to take up all of your mental and physical energy.

Perform a task as if you are playing speed chess. Set your smart phone’s timer to go off at funky intervals: 96 seconds or 1080 seconds; intervals which don’t give you a sense of when to expect the alarm.

Anxious, depressed, ADHD, and perfectionistic people tend to have an altered sense of estimating how long a task will take and an altered sense of how much time has passed.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 20, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

OTHER PEOPLE HAVE LIVES, SCHEDULES, HOPES, DREAMS, GOALS, AND TRAUMAS WITH OR WITHOUT US ( before they had met us, after we leave them, or after they leave us). WE ARE SO VERY IMPORTANT IN THEIR LIVES, BUT WE DO NOT TOTALLY FILL THEIR LIVES.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 20, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

IF YOU START THE DAY EARLY, GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO FINISH THE DAY EARLY. THE REST OF THE DAY IS FOR YOU…YOUR WANTS AND YOU PLEASURE.

If you awaken at 4:00 AM and take a half hour to get ready, you will have put in an 8-hour work day by 12:30 (lunchtime)! The afternoon and evening are just for you.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 20, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

THE SMALLEST PROJECTS OR TASKS WILL TAKE AN EVER INCREASING AMOUNT OF TIME, BOTH MENTALLY AND IN REALITY, DUE TO OUR: PERFECTIONISM, ANXIETIES, FEAR OF MAKING MISTAKES, AND DUE TO OUR DISTRACTIBLITIES.

Charles Tadros, M.D.

November 20, 2021

Saint Louis, Missouri

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